Counseling

Within two weeks after he admitted to the affair, people actually convinced me to get a counseling session. So, I did. It wasn’t easy to get a schedule with my preferred counsellor though.

I got my first counseling schedule and so I went. I couldn’t control myself and I started crying right away, as I was telling her about myself and my story. After pouring all my heart out (at that time, I thought it’s never going to end), she told me that all she could do is to accompany me in the healing process and to my recovery.

My counsellor explained to me the stages that I will have to go through or I am currently going through.

Denial - Prior to me knowing about the affair, there were telltale signs that I just ignored. I even denied the power of my own intuition, maybe because I didn’t want to deal with it. I was avoiding it because I didn’t want to get hurt. Trust was also an important issue. I didn’t want him to think that I didn’t trust him. I was avoiding the truth when in fact, the truth should have set me free a long time ago.

Anger – I got furious when he admitted it. I got hysterical and I kept on punching him until I hyperventilated and my hands and fingers got so stiff that I couldn’t move them. I was also angry at myself for letting it happen. I was also angry at the other woman of course that I called her and told her that she is a home-wrecker. There was even a time when I emailed her to scare her off because she is a celebrity. I know for a fact that she is concerned about her reputation because she is also married and with three children.

Bargaining – There came a time when I bargained with him. I asked him several times to give our marriage another chance. I was the aggrieved and yet, I tried to bargain. I was thinking about the children, and myself of course. I couldn’t bear to let go. Maybe, I was too scared then to be alone. I was willing to forgive and start all over. I was willing to spend a lot for marriage recovery workshops just so we can still be whole. That was kind of foolish of me but hey, it is part of the process towards recovery.

Depression – A few months after, I got into a state wherein I just didn’t want to feel anything. I felt numb but with it I was still angry, only subdued. I also felt deep sadness. I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about what happened and how he could have done that to me and the children.

Acceptance – After everything has settled and after I realized that life must go on for myself and for my children, I slowly began to accept the fact that he is gone, and that he has done what he has done because he wanted to do it.

These five stages may or may not happen in this order. Sometimes, I felt being okay one day, then being back to where I started the next. In my case, it was a mixture of everything for a particular time-frame. I sometimes jumped from one stage to the next then back again. It was a roller-coaster ride, a roller-coaster of emotions. I had several other counseling sessions for about two months.

Looking back, I feel proud of my accomplishments. I have risen from the darkest days of my life and I’ve started a new and better life with my children.

A Make-over

A few weeks after I found out about the affair, I tried to redo myself. I bought self-help books, new and more fashionable clothes (I really had to buy new ones due to the fact that I've lost a considerable amount of weight), I changed my hairstyle and other stuff. No, it wasn’t for him to notice me. I wanted to feel empowered and special. I have been so busy taking care of other people that I neglected myself. I “beautified” and put my attention on myself and it felt good. I felt good about myself again. I felt good as a single person and not as someone who is dependent on another person’s success, happiness, care and love.

People started to notice. I felt even better that my efforts are paying off. I have to admit though that it cost me a lot of money. But hey, it was all worth it... because I am WORTHY! And you are, too.