For a long time, I wanted to free myself up from this emotional prison of hate, depression and loneliness. I have read tons of books on moving on. But no matter how many books you read, you cannot never achieve the feeling of complete freedom unless you learn to how to forgive.
It took a long while for me to forgive. How can I if the person is not even repentant? It wasn't easy. Everyday, I would ask Inner Self if I have already forgiven him. My Inner Self wouldn't lie of course but would encourage me to try again and again everyday, knowing that it is my only ticket to complete emotional freedom.
After one and a half years, he became friendly. I never ever thought that we could be friends again. Although I must admit that I prayed hard for this. One time, while he was visiting the children and we were left alone, I felt the compulsion to tell him that I have already forgiven him. It just dawned on me. I completely let go and yes, I felt that I really have forgiven him.
I guess there is a big difference when forgiveness is verbalized. It made a difference on me and it made a difference on him as well. I can say that we were both liberated.
Forgiveness leads to emotional freedom. It is an exhilarating feeling.
Muster the courage to forgive and verbalize it straight to their face without any expectations, only to relieve yourself of the emotional rut.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Reiki
I attended a Reiki workshop some time in April of last year. It is a beautiful form of energy healing. At that time, there was still so much anger in me. I was betrayed by my own husband. With that kind of an experience, who wouldn't have anger in her heart? It is not a pleasant feeling to keep. And I knew that the only way to free myself up of the anger is to forgive him. But how can I if he is not even remorseful of his act of infidelity?
Anyway, my Reiki Master asked for me to sit in front of the class for a crystal pendulum demonstration. She asked me to relive and think about my worst experience. So I thought about our final confrontation wherein he admitted to his affair with this local actress. I had my eyes closed and the pendulum was right on top of my head. My classmates at the workshop were just quietly observing. After that, she asked me to think about the most joyous event in my life. I thought about the day when I gave birth to my eldest child. My Reiki Master asked me to go back to my seat and asked the other participants about their observations. They said that when I was thinking of the worst experience in my life, the crystal pendulum just stood still. That means that there was dead energy or it's as if the energy was being sucked out of me. When I was thinking about the happiest moment in my life, the crystal pendulum swung in circles. That means that there was positive energy feeding me. So what does this all mean? That means that my anger plus trying to think about negative experiences would really make me look stressed, sick and somewhat lifeless. It was slowly killing me. Whereas if I think about positive experiences, life energy or life force just keeps on adding up. Therefore, thoughts and feelings affect our health.
If I continued on thinking about how hurt I was, it would have been a downward spiral and I would probably be in a rut right now. I decided to think about how blessed I was. I had my children, the support of family and friends, I had wonderful clients and a whole lot more. Life became better and better.
And so during the workshop, I was attuned as a Level 1 Reiki healer. A month after, I was attuned as a Level 2 Reiki healer. I did self-healing plus healing others and the wonderful effect of the whole thing was that I was able to convert most of my anger into compassion. Compassion leads to forgiveness and forgiveness leads to emotional freedom.
Anyway, my Reiki Master asked for me to sit in front of the class for a crystal pendulum demonstration. She asked me to relive and think about my worst experience. So I thought about our final confrontation wherein he admitted to his affair with this local actress. I had my eyes closed and the pendulum was right on top of my head. My classmates at the workshop were just quietly observing. After that, she asked me to think about the most joyous event in my life. I thought about the day when I gave birth to my eldest child. My Reiki Master asked me to go back to my seat and asked the other participants about their observations. They said that when I was thinking of the worst experience in my life, the crystal pendulum just stood still. That means that there was dead energy or it's as if the energy was being sucked out of me. When I was thinking about the happiest moment in my life, the crystal pendulum swung in circles. That means that there was positive energy feeding me. So what does this all mean? That means that my anger plus trying to think about negative experiences would really make me look stressed, sick and somewhat lifeless. It was slowly killing me. Whereas if I think about positive experiences, life energy or life force just keeps on adding up. Therefore, thoughts and feelings affect our health.
If I continued on thinking about how hurt I was, it would have been a downward spiral and I would probably be in a rut right now. I decided to think about how blessed I was. I had my children, the support of family and friends, I had wonderful clients and a whole lot more. Life became better and better.
And so during the workshop, I was attuned as a Level 1 Reiki healer. A month after, I was attuned as a Level 2 Reiki healer. I did self-healing plus healing others and the wonderful effect of the whole thing was that I was able to convert most of my anger into compassion. Compassion leads to forgiveness and forgiveness leads to emotional freedom.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Beacon of Light
A friend of mine once told me, "Just be a beacon of light to everyone especially to him". It got stuck in my head but at that time, I was still too angry to accept what she just told me. I know I was doing the right thing for everyone else, but I had hatred in my heart for him.
As months went by, I realized that I cannot keep hating him forever. Anger and hatred... these are the very source of my own frustration, depression and general stress. I prayed really hard to rid myself of these feelings. It is a heavy load to carry for the rest of my life. It slowly kills every aspect of the human being... the physical, emotional and spiritual aspects.
Slowly but surely, little by little, I was able to transform anger into compassion. I think I can say that it is now possible for me to forgive him for his weaknesses. I believe that it is now possible as opposed to what I thought before that it is impossible for me to forgive him for what he has done. I must admit though that I cannot say that I have completely forgiven him. I am taking baby steps. It is not easy to do that but I am on my way, step-by-step.
As for being the Beacon of Light, just do the right thing and you'll be alright. Do not do anything to hurt people by your words and actions. Do your duties as a mother. Do your job or vocation conscienciously. Be nice to him but keep your distance. It's quite a challenge but it is possible. It will liberate you. I am on my way to emotional freedom.
As months went by, I realized that I cannot keep hating him forever. Anger and hatred... these are the very source of my own frustration, depression and general stress. I prayed really hard to rid myself of these feelings. It is a heavy load to carry for the rest of my life. It slowly kills every aspect of the human being... the physical, emotional and spiritual aspects.
Slowly but surely, little by little, I was able to transform anger into compassion. I think I can say that it is now possible for me to forgive him for his weaknesses. I believe that it is now possible as opposed to what I thought before that it is impossible for me to forgive him for what he has done. I must admit though that I cannot say that I have completely forgiven him. I am taking baby steps. It is not easy to do that but I am on my way, step-by-step.
As for being the Beacon of Light, just do the right thing and you'll be alright. Do not do anything to hurt people by your words and actions. Do your duties as a mother. Do your job or vocation conscienciously. Be nice to him but keep your distance. It's quite a challenge but it is possible. It will liberate you. I am on my way to emotional freedom.
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