The First Few Steps

The first thing that I did after I found out about the extramarital affair and after our confrontation was to contact my mother, my aunt who had the same experience and my closest friend. I had to let people I care about and who care about me know. I admit that at that time, I needed all the help that I can get. The pain was so unbearable and I had to share it with those who care to listen. Not that I want them to bear some of the pain but for me just to unload it and listen to their words of wisdom. Somewhat like a form of informal counselling. I talked to a lot of people whom I trust, the more I talked the more that I became stronger even if it’s just bit by bit. There was no use in denying what happened anyway.

Crying is a form of releasing and oh yes, I cried a lot. Crying is therapeutic. I often found myself talking on the phone with someone then suddenly, I’d burst into tears. Walking is also very therapeutic and during that time, I would walk a lot. It’s a relaxing and grounding exercise as well. I’d walk for 30 minutes at a time for about twice a day. While walking, I would contemplate on my situation and just enjoying the sights while walking is a beautiful experience in itself that I often found myself in some kind of meditative state instead of just contemplating about my situation. The funny thing is, in those meditative states, I felt like I was even blessed with what happened to me. Positive thoughts started running through my mind. I’ll write more about that in another post.

These little simple methods are the first few steps that I took. Bit by bit, I got stronger. I often fell back off track but I always made sure that I moved back on track again into recovery. If the women before me who went through the same thing were able to recover and make it on their own, why can’t I? And if I made it, why can’t you? ‘til my next post...

My Story

I only found out about it last year. They have been going on for 3 years, or maybe more. How could he have done such a thing? And we have 3 kids. Didn’t he even think about them? How could he have bastardized our marriage?

It was the worst thing that I have ever experienced. Being betrayed by my own husband. The one who was supposed to stand by my side through thick or thin. The one who took a vow with me. The father of my three young children. The only man that I ever loved.

When I found out about it, I had an anxiety attack. I couldn’t move my hands, I hyperventilated and I felt like I was going to puke.

Days passed and I wasn’t able to sleep, I wasn’t able to eat. It went on for a month. Oh yes, I lost a lot of weight and I looked like a living dead person, a zombie.

Every now and then every single day, I felt like my heart would stop beating and I would stop breathing whenever thoughts come to my mind about how they did “it”, the sexual acts. I thought my crying fits would never end. I actually felt like I was going to die.

He actually blamed me for everything. He blamed me for what has become of him. I’ve read dozens of articles and books about betrayal and this is always the case, the culprit spouse always blamed the innocent spouse. Up to this day, he is not remorseful. I don’t think he ever will.

I thought about my children. I told them what was going on for I couldn’t lie to them. We’ve been lied to for the longest time. I told them that their father loves someone else and that he doesn’t love their mommy anymore. At that time, my eldest son was only 7 years old, my only girl was 5 and my youngest child, a boy, was just 2 years old. They were actually worried already about what’s happening to me. My eldest son asked, “What’s her name Mommy?” I told him the name. He said, “I hate that name Mommy.” He continued with, “Don’t worry Mommy because I will love you forever.” My daughter just responded by giving me the warmest hug that she could ever give and tears rolled down her cheeks. My youngest child, he was just too young. He just smiled and kissed me. I explained to them that from then on, it’s just going to be the four of us.

I took my strength from these three children. I love them dearly. Whenever they would see my sad or crying, they would crawl by my side to hug me. At times they would just draw pictures for me with the caption, “I love you Mommy”.

I wanted my children to see me as a strong woman. After a few months of sulking, I started redoing myself. I ate sensibly. I tried to learn new things. I took the kids out on dates. I resigned from my full-time job so that I can become a full-time mom. It’s just me, and the kids now and life is so much better.

This is my story and this is what I want to share with you... my experiences and how I made it through.